


infinity

by lovely404



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Heartbreak, Letters, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Suicide, Unrequited Love, dreamnotfound
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:40:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26465056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovely404/pseuds/lovely404
Summary: there have always been so many words left unsaid between the two of them. unfortunately, this will only lead to regret
Relationships: Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 78





	1. Chapter 1

Dear George,  
I could never tell you this, but I love you. I can't pinpoint exactly when this feeling came to me, it just sort of happened. I think it's because of your smile, and the little lines you get at the corner of your mouth. Or maybe it's the light freckles that dust your nose that you have to squint to see. Maybe it's the way you laugh, with your eyes twinkling with all the joy in the world. I wish I could always be the cause of your laughter. It could be because of our teasing banter back and forth, with you being such an idiot. I wish you were my idiot. Maybe it's the way you talk in your sleep, I could listen to your meaningless mumbles all night.  
I get jealous sometimes, whenever Sapnap gets a little too flirty, or when another “gogy simp'' shows up on my timeline. I wish there was a way I could make you mine, just so that they would leave you alone. I don't want to think about that so instead, I'll talk about our nightly calls. I remember this one night when we were watching a movie together on discord. You were so tired from filming all day and soon your voice turned into nothing but gentle snores. I remember imagining you were next to me, in my bed. If you were there with me I could hold you so close. I could keep you wrapped in my arms because I know you'd fit there perfectly.  
I wonder what it would be like if we lived closer to each other. Could I come to see you whenever I want? Could we meet up at random places just to talk? Could I hug you more? There's so much I want that I know I'll never have. As of right now, I have to stay content with I love yous that will slip from your mouth at the end of a call, the flirty remarks in videos, and the fantasies that I've conjured in my head. I'll have to get used to the late nights where all I can do is think of you, and the millions of unsent messages with paragraphs of feelings, and even the burning flame of want I have in the pit of my stomach.  
I can only hope that one day you will look at me and think, “Wow I'm so in love with him.” but I know that day will never come. I wish I didn't have to say the word “never” when I write about a relationship between us.  
I'll remain behind my screen, a faceless green man who only wishes for your happiness. I'll continue to drag on silently, watching as you slip further and further from my grasp. I fear that one day you'll go too far for me to see you, and that is the day I will crumble. So for now, I'll stay by your side. Whenever you and someone else have a small argument, when you feel alone so you cry to me on call, or even when you are so excited that you're shaking with happiness, I'll be there.  
This letter will never reach you because I know I won't have the guts to send it. It'll never make the trip across the sea, into your small, pale hands. It'll remain locked in my bedside drawer, where I can feel its presence every night I get into bed with Patches. But even though you'll never read this, I hope you know that I'll be there for it all, because I love you.  
I love you more than all the stars in the sky. You're my infinity, George. And I hope someday I can be your infinity too. 

With love,  
Clay


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Clay,

By the time you're reading this, I will be gone. Before I go any further, I want you to know that nothing is your fault. I know you, and I know that as soon as you read this you will start to over-analyze every single thing you've said to me. I think that this was always meant to happen.  
Over time it's just been building inside me, waiting to implode. It's the little things that stand out to me, like the silence that surrounds me when you don't pick up the call, or the constant replays of you and Sapnap's little jokes. I know they're just jokes, but for some reason, my head tells me otherwise. It reminds me that you don't care about me, that you'll never love me the way I love you.  
I know I never say it much, but it's just because I'm scared. Scared that you'll see through me and know that those three words are so real. You've always been far too good at reading other people, even if it's only through a call. There are days where I wish you were not so smart, but then I remember that you wouldn't be you then. You wouldn't be the guy I've grown to love. It's just something about you that gets my heart all riled up, that makes all the blood flow to my cheeks. It's like I WANT you to know. But I don't, that's why I never told you until now. In this letter are all of the feelings I've kept locked away for so long.  
It's been years, clay. I've always wished we were more than friends. Every flirty comment you shoot at me I keep stored away in a little file in my head. I never want to let it go, even after I'm gone. I think that's why it took me so long to follow through with this. I didn't want to lose you, not ever. You were the one light I had in my life, but now I feel you dimming.  
Lately, things have been strained between us. There are too many awkward pauses while we film and so much tainted laughter that rings through the microphone. I don't know if you notice, but I do.  
Before whatever happened, we were simple. We were natural. We just fit. But suddenly it all shifted, and I felt our perfect little puzzle fall apart. The teasing things you would say sounded a bit too real, like you wanted me to know just how little I mean to you. Maybe it's just my own messed up head ruining things for me. It's always been this way, I've always been just a little too sensitive. I wish I could be better. I wish I could be enough. Not even enough for me, I just want to be enough for you.  
There are days where the voices get so suffocating. Those are the days where I wish you were here. I want you near me because even just the sound of your voice can quiet my thoughts. I remember one night on call, it was a rare time where I had just finished crying to you about an argument with Sapnap. You sat there for three hours and listened to my choked up sobs and broken words. When I had finally calmed down, you whispered sweet nothings into my headset while I drifted to sleep. I know those words don't mean anything to you, you probably didn't even mean them. I just wish that those were sweet somethings, not just empty promises of forever. Because look where we are now, the curtain is closing on us, on me. One day you will forget about me because that's what I am: forgettable. I guess forever really does have an end. As much as I wish the outcome was different, this was always meant to be. We are nothing but a tragic end filled with bitter, unrequited love. With that being said, I hope you can look at the stars and see the one that shines just a little brighter, and when you see it you think of me. When your time comes, I'll meet you in the sky. We will just be a pair of stars, whose love never aligned.

Yours always,  
George


	3. Chapter 3

Dream sat in the driver's seat of his car, exhausted after driving back from visiting Sapnap. George wasn't answering either of them so Dream rushed over there to see if he knew anything. Unfortunately, Sapnap was just as confused as he was. Feeling dejected, Dream sat there with the radio buzzing in the background. After a few more minutes of sitting and staring out the window, he finally got out and walked over to check his mail. He was expecting a package from Amazon, so he assumed it would come today. 

However, when he opened the mailbox, all he found sitting inside was a letter. He figured it was just a bill he had to pay or some random advertisement, so he took it inside without sparing a glance at the back. He went inside and kicked off his shoes, ready to spend the night trying to call George for the billionth time. “It makes no sense,” he thought, “why would he just leave without saying anything?” Passing by the kitchen counter, he tossed the letter aside and reached to grab a bottle of water. 

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the signature curly G that George always signed with. He immediately dropped the bottle in his hands and lunged forward to grab the envelope. He tore it open like a wild animal, filled with a desperate desire to know what had happened to the boy he loved so much. He scrambles to open the folded up paper, nearly ripping it in the process. 

He starts with the first line, “By the time you are reading this, I will be gone.”

He feels his face fall, every muscle in his body goes slack, only left with his hands gripping the letter as if it was all he had left. This feeling washes over him, a mind-numbing feeling of regret. He racked his brain for memories, for signs that this was coming. All he could ask was why. He felt a tornado of doubts and thoughts, none of it he could understand. He tried to grab hold of a single coherent thought or a sign that this was all fake. He hoped so desperately that these past few weeks were all a dream, that every missed call and unread text message was all just a figment of his imagination. He knew that it wasn't, he knew that nothing here was fake. This was just the cold, hard reality of his life. He shoved his thoughts down, he'd rather have his mind blank than having it swarm with far too many emotions. He urged himself to keep reading. 

“Before I go any further, I want you to know that nothing is your fault. I know you, and I know that as soon as you read this you will start to over-analyze every single thing you've said to me.”

“God, how does he know me so well?” Dream thought. The sentence almost made him mad. To him, it was like George was asking him to not care about the fact that he's gone. Once again, he pushed that emotion down to the void, where the rest of his painful thoughts lay. He continued to read, every line sending another arrow through his heart. That was until he saw it.

“It reminds me that you don't care about me, that you'll never love me the way I love you.  
In this letter are all of the feelings I've kept locked away for so long. It's been years, Clay. I've always wished I were more than friends.” 

He couldn't speak, he couldn't think. All he wondered was why. Why did everything have to be so unfair? Why did things have to end this way? Why does love hurt so much? Why didn't anyone say anything? He felt like a coward for not telling him sooner. Those feelings started to act up again, so he tossed a cover over it and continued reading. 

Through every line, the pain only got worse. He could finally see everything he had missed, all on the puzzle pieces that clicked only when George's point of view came into play. He was nearing the end of the page. He could see the wretched ending on the horizon.  
“When your time comes, I'll meet you in the sky. We will just be a pair of stars, whose love never aligned.”

Dream felt his whole body freeze up. He didn't feel anything. The air conditioning whirring away was simply background noise. He couldn't feel the paper between his fingers. But what he did feel, was his heart plummeting to the void, left to battle all the raw, violent emotions he pushed away. He felt them all rising to the surface, hitting him over and over again until his heart was nothing but a bruised shell of what it used to be. He let a gut-wrenching sob rip through his lips, one that was waiting for far too long to come out. He sat on the tiled floor of his kitchen, the letter laying only a few inches away from him. With tears in his eyes, it finally dawned on him. He has nothing. He has lost his infinity.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you all liked the story! its my first time writing one so its probably not the best. also, sorry if this chapter seems a bit rushed, i wrote it all in math class
> 
> follow me on twitter: @/elytrabun (i post lots of writing/theories there)


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